Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Roller Coaster

Edited to add:
If your comment hasn't appeared yet, don't worry. I have a lot of comments to post, and a few of them are such that I want to have replies posted right away, so I will post the comments AND the responses at the same time.
Also...someone said it in jest but apparently at least one person thought there might be something to it so I'll come RIGHT out and say it:

I am most certainly, definitely, categorically, am absolutely, one hundred percent, NOT, I repeat, NOT Beccah.
(if only...then people could hassle HER instead of me)

Also...I probably WILL leave certain posts and/or timelines up...I just want to edit/condense first.

Original Post:
A lot has happened over the last twenty-four hours. I learned that people I've never even heard of have an extremely avid hatred for me, that people whom I have never spoken to or emailed with have been trying to get "Down With Trolls" to do an entry on ME, because they believe that my having THIS blog is somehow worse than what Beccah did. There are people INSISTING that this is somehow a money making venture for me- although since I've never had a single ad and said from the beginning that I never WOULD have ads, I don't know how someone could plausibly think such a thing. I've never once promoted the site or left a link anywhere- ever. I've got people starting and ending their arguments against me by saying that I am fat, ugly, and stupid. (and believe it or not, these things were said outside a schoolyard) I've got people saying that I comment on this blog under "aliases" to "stir things up". (Note: DO NOT NEED HELP STIRRING THINGS UP HERE.) This despite the fact that I disallowed anonymous comments from day one and have never commented here under any name but ejsaddler, ever.

I saw a very pointed, outraged sounding email (from someone I have never heard of before now) who said that all I was ever trying to do was "drive traffic" here. Why? I haven't even had a hit counter on this blog in awhile because I didn't give a crap on a ritz how many people came here or didn't come here. I do have a traffic logger, but only for interest's sake- it's neat seeing different country names, etc. The traffic logger records only 500 people a day- doesn't matter how many over/above that visit. Why would I have "driven traffic" here if there wasn't even a way for me to tell HOW much of it WAS here?! I am just gobsmacked that these are the things people think.

All I wanted was a place to vent my own frustrations and observations. How on earth did it get to the point I described above?

No matter what happens, I know that the intentions I had when I started this blog- to have a complete-as-is-possible record of Beccah's scams in order to warn future victims of hers and let past ones know they aren't alone- are the same intentions I kept all the way through. Yes, sometimes I made snarky remarks or jokes at Beccah's expense. Considering what she did and continues to do, I think she should shout from the rooftops in gratitude that snarky jokes are all she had to deal with.

I had an epiphanal moment last night: my in laws were hosting a family poker night and I kept skulking off to see what the latest turn of drama was via my emailbox. At a moment when I could hear everyone in the front room laughing and enjoying each other...and I was off in the library reading my iphone...I realized "this is crazy...WHY am I giving this one more iota of my time and attention?!?

Today someone emailed me this and it sealed the deal:
Maybe it's time to get your life back. I am not trying to discourage you... but Beccah's not worth this much trouble. She really isn't. She's a worthless, meaningless person. And maybe she'll think she's won? but she hasn't. You have a nice life to go back to. She's got nothing but her miserable self to go back to. And she'll miss the attention!

I have always said that if Beccah would own up to using the aliases, sending the dog flier, etc that I would take this blog down. Now I realize that Beccah is not going to come clean regarding those things. But she knows she did them and I know she did them and you know it. Her refusal to own up to these things should not cause me to lose valuable time in my own life.

Is this the end of my tenure as a blogger? Probably not. I've discovered both that I like it and am decent at it. But is this the end of me blogging about Beccah? At least for a long, long while.

Did y'all know I'm an avid birdwatcher? (no laughs from the bleachers, please.) That I am passionate about politics? You probably did not know those things...because there is no room for "self" in a blog like this...and there is no room in life right now for a pursuit that leaves so little room for me as a person.

I have to say...some of you, the readers...have been just amazing. Maria, Lorri, Aimee M, Michal, Natalie, Jamie, Frapper, indiangrandma, Robin NJ, MamaO, Jennifer, Grammie02, Rowe Family, Amy...and SO MANY MORE- please don't be upset if I didn't name you; I am trying to dash this off in a hurry because TONIGHT's family meal will not be interrupted by this blog.

I will probably do a better, more detailed "final post" in the next day or two. But I did want to briefly explain what was going on so that I didn't leave just an empty blog with no posts.

This blog began with my feeling a responsibility to people like the Myers, people like the couple who believed their "daughter" that Beccah was "pregnant with" died, people whom, in the midst of the AR scam, poured out their hearts to "B" via their own stories about Trisomy babies and traumatic prenatal diagnoses. I felt that if ONE person was warned ahead of time about Beccah and escaped being caught up in her web, the effort was worth it.

I still feel a responsibility to those people. I just realize that Beccah is just too big a job for one person.

As always, I encourage anyone wanting to know intricate, chronological, and verifiably truthful information about Beccah to visit Lorri Steer at Tell The Church-


The Rowe Family said...

EJ - I am REALLY happy for you! You really are to good a person, and Becky really isn't worth another moment of your life. She is what she is - you can't change that! I'm going to miss you, please consider starting a personal blog, you really are a great writer and I'd love to connect more on a personal level. Much love, Emily

Dana said...

You know what would be an AMAZING twist? If it turned out YOU were Beccah. And this was just another ruse by the ultimate Internet puppetmaster

I'll miss this blog. It was better than the soaps.

Like, way better

Robin in New Jersey said...

I am so sorry you have had such awful email. I was just thinking, "vengence is mine, saith the Lord." YOU have done a valuable service keeping the Beccah story alive. I, for one, will be very cautious reading anyones story from here on out. Beccah will get what she has coming to her. I don't believe the Lord will let her go without any consequences. God Bless you. I would love to read any other blogs you start if you want to email me and let me know where you are.

Frapper said...

I've followed your blog since it began and admire your writing style, determination and abilities as an "internet detective"! I agree with you that Beccah will likely never admit to every single thing she's done, and no doubt will soon be doing it again. I don't honestly know what it would take to make her see the pain she caused people and that her life could be so much more. She hurt her own friends, the Myers, God's Girl, and who knows how many other people. She likely is much too big to be taken on by just one person, but I think that your blog did a wonderful job of getting the word out about her scams. If you ever do start up another blog about your "real life" interests, I'd be an enthusiastic follower! Enjoy your family dinner, my friend!

Julianna said...

I'm so glad you're taking your life back.
Hope you start a new blog and that you'll share its address w/ me - would love to follow it.

thanks for your hard work.

Beccah can go screw.


the story of us said...


i sent you an e-mail :)

Frapper said...

I thought it was made in jest, but perhaps you should tell us your husband's first initial--it's not "D", is it? :) :) I'm sorry you had all the hassle of nasty e-mails and such--all you ever sought to do was state what you'd found out.

Smockity Frocks said...

What you have been doing here is nothing less than a public service, a good work. I am sorry you have been harassed for it, and I'm sad you will be leaving it behind, but I understand making your REAL life a priority.

Be blessed.

Happymom4 aka Hope Anne said...

EJ .. . I'm not going to tell you what to do--only you can decide that. But I sure hope you keep UP the posts you have already invested so much time and effort into, along with starting a new personal blog. I think you and I would get along great in real life, and I'd love to keep up with you! And if you change your mind and decide to keep on with your expose, I hope you will do so--never mind what you posted about stopping! A girl is allowed to change her mind, you know?!
All the best!

grammie02 said...

Dear EJ,
I sent you a e-mail but I also wanted to publicly thank you for all you have done to expose Beccah and other trolls. I'm convinced that you could spend countless more hours researching and reporting on Miss Beccah, but to what purpose? Your priorities are correct. Spend your precious time with your family members. Thanks again.

House of Harlow said...
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Smockity Frocks said...

Just wanted to come back and add that the 2 photos I've seen of you show a pretty lady with a brilliant smile.

Through this blog, I have come to know you as courageous, intelligent, witty, honest, and caring.

If you start a new blog, I hope you will let me know. I would love to follow you!

Cari said...


I know I am not alone when I say that you must do what is best for you and your family. I think you have done an amazing job here and you did shed so much light onto the April Rose scam as well as some of her other scams. And I know your heart was always in the right place.

I loved reading this blog and will miss it. But I can only imagine how much time and energy this thing cost you. Especially now that things are getting ugly. I am glad you are walking away from this for your own sake.

I would love to read more about you and your upcoming adventures. You are a talented writer!

Best of luck to you!


ginger said...

Okay...I guess I don't know what is going on behind the scenes, so I truly don't understand why it is necessary to take down so many posts. I am not questioning your judgment. I am sorry that whatever happened...happened. I felt like this was a place I could find good conversation & I was just beginning to feel comfortable enough to enter into it. I am sad. There is a lot more I would like to say & I am sure that this will get lost in all the other (more eloquent) comments but I will just leave it at that. I wish you all well & God's blessings.

Jamie said...

I wasn't serious about you being Beccah. :D Internet text needs emotion.

I will say something isn't right here, but I don't know the whole story and I don't know what is truly going on. I just have my past experiences and logic to go on. Neither of which would hold up in court, so I can't say anything, right now.

Traci said...

PLEASE start another blog just about "stuff!" I would be an avid reader. :)

The Rowe Family said...

I'm going thru serious "Liz" withdrawl....for God sakes call me, write me, post something, LOL :)! Just kidding honey! Hope you're doing well!

EJ said...

working on a post & comment responses now...

Threeblacklabs said...
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Natalie said...

Liz- You have done SO much good, it's a shame that people are cruel. Your reasons for getting back to real life are super understandable, though I DO hope you keep the lengthier, meatier posts up for posterity's sake. You earned it- and Beccah would love NOTHING MORE for it to all disappear (i'm sure she's wishing she could get Lorri's gone, too!)

I was one of your first readers and 'believers'. Heck, choosing to pick your sleuthing over mckbashing got me "banned" from that other forum...but let me tell you sister- it has been SO worth it.

That being said, I am already going through withdrawals. PLEASE tell me you're gonna start blogging...about LIZ, soon! We'd all love that. Looking forward to the wrap up post!

Threeblacklabs said...
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EJ said...

I am reposting this comment, edited...because I feel it needs to be kept on the record:

amyengle said...

I only posted at the very beginning - but have been faithfully reading and cheering you on from lurker status!

I am sorry that this had to end this way - you have done such a service to the AR community - those of us that were there from the beginning - I was one duped and bought a t shirt as well as sending $, I also lost a baby this past spring, and was drawn in feeling the pain of AR as well as our own. I want to thank you for investigating and publishing all you have. I do hope much is left for the record [edited for content]

Thanks for all your hard work and time and I wish you the wonderful peace in your real life : ) !!

Like another said, if you should change your mind and just "take a break" that would be super cool!!

However, I understand your wishes to not be harassed and have your life back!!

Thanks Liz,